In which I fail to live up to expectations

I'd like to think that I'm a better person than I was at 20 - nicer, more interesting and easier on the eye too. However it appears I'm wrong, if two recent meetings were anything to go by.

The first was with someone who was very briefly my best friend at school. She got in touch over Linked In and turned out to live near where I work so we met up one evening for dinner and a catch up. I thought we had a good evening, with plenty to talk about. She said at the time I should come round to dinner next time but she has ignored subsequent attempts to organise next time or indeed get back in contact.

The second was with someone who I barely knew at university. He was older than me, in a different college and hung with the rich kids whereas I only wanted to (see, told you I'm nicer now) and I don't remember talking to him more than once or twice. He snogged me once at a party but nothing came of it. He also got in touch over Linked In and seemed fantastically keen to see me again. He took me out somewhere extremely expensive, spent the whole evening telling me how much he'd adored me at university and had never forgotten me. Given that he had turned into someone incredibly handsome, charming, interesting and attractive I thought that finally all my birthdays had come at once. Admittedly I did get the third degree about why I hadn't felt the same about him at university (maybe I would have if he'd only told me at the time - the one thing that hasn't changed was that then as now I was intensely unhappy about being single) but on balance it swung towards romantic (although weird) rather than creepy. Or I thought so at the time. Things got a bit erm heated and there was a lot of talk about seeing each other again, what we would do together and so on. And I haven't heard from him since (yes I did try contacting him). In retrospect it seems clear that as the evening progressed he seemed less and less keen so it seems that four hours of current day me was enough to destroy 28 years of fantasy me.

The whole thing really unsettled me. Did he get me confused with someone else? Am I really that awful now? I found myself really regretting that nothing had happened at university because my life could be so different if I hadn't ended up with the clown I married.

I could have done without this. I'm really lonely at the moment but I think that was the final straw in the dating sense. I didn't even enjoy the fancy meal because the romantic tension was so high neither of us could eat. And that is a real tragedy.

Sadness is

Scoring a pair of £250 shoes on Ebay in the right size, right colour and right design from a brand that always fits me for £30, having them arrive in good time, well packed and in near perfect condition and being unable to cram my hideous hooves into them because this particular pair are too tight for my plates of meat.

I think maybe 25% of the shoes I buy turn out to be comfortable. Obviously I'm not improving my chances by buying online but even shoes that felt like a glove in the shop hurt or tear gashes in my skin within seconds of wearing them in real life. Even M&S Footglove hurt (and that really was a case of compromising style for comfort).

Am I the only one with this problem? It's such a waste of money, never mind the disappointment.

A brief history of the next few years

March 2014 - After another year of spurious Coalition inflicted austerity, polls in Scotland show pro-independence opinion moving towards 50%. Alarmed, the Tory party launches an all out dirty tricks campaign to save the Union. Labour tacitly supports this.
October 2014 - The no vote gets 50.1% of the vote. Faced with no further chance of independence for another generation, the SNP considers its options.
2015 - Funded by Sean Connery and Tom Farmer, the SNP fields candidates in every English constituency on a platform of free university education for all undergraduates, free prescriptions, free eye tests and free care for the elderly (all things the Scots already enjoy). To everyone's surprise, they win a huge overall majority at Westminster, with the Tories forming the opposition. The only remaining Labour MPs are in Welsh and Scottish constituencies. Alex Salmond becomes Prime Minister.
2016 - A referendum in England on Scottish independence is scheduled for 2017.
2017 - Despite predictions of an overwhelming vote for independence, following a Tory volte face and a resulting campaign to 'kick the whining bastards out', Salmond is horrified when the English vote to retain the Union. Opinion polls show that he is the most popular Prime Minister since Churchill.
2018 - His majority at Westminster means that he has no problem forcing through a repeal of the Acts of Union of the Parliaments and of the Crowns, followed by a vote to fold England into Scotland. Unionist pressure at Stormont also leads to Northern Ireland voting to become part of Scotland. The UK now consists of the Independent Socialist Republic of Scotland and the Principality of Wales.
2019 - Prince Charles stops being the Prince of Wales and becomes King of Wales. A small movement in favour of restoring a Stuart monarch to the Scottish throne fails and Alex Salmond becomes President for life.

I think it is time to accept that I am not a finely honed killing machine

A while back I signed up for a course of 6 Krav Maga lessons. I think some self defence skills would be useful and more importantly it's cathartic and fun too. Unfortunately though I'm failing to get to the classes. Since January I've made it along to 4, partly because I'm not here much during the week and partly because when I am, I'm so knackered I can't face it. The problem is that it incorporates some pretty hardcore fitness work and I am not fit. My various health problems  make it really hard to get beyond a certain level of fitness and while I think I'm doing OK at the hitting people bit it's the rest that's a problem. Two weeks ago we were made to do press ups with someone lying on our back and I put my lower back out.

I'm feeling surprisingly crap about this. I've never been really, really fit and I would like to be but even if I can't achieve that surely being able to defend myself is important.

Inappropriate

I bought an iPad recently (mainly for work). I've only just discovered that it has Siri installed so having done obvious things like asking Siri about the best local place for cocktails and coffee, I thought I'd ask him (my Siri is a man) where to find a boyfriend seeing as that's something pre-occupies me somewhat and this is what he suggested:

in first place -  the local playground

then there was:
the Polish Combatants Association
the local branch of Leonard Cheshire (a charity for the severely disabled)
the Campaign for a Scottish Parliament (I thought we already had one...)
the Royal British Legion
the Parkinsons Disease Society
the International Network of Overseas Development Organisations

I can honestly say that I had never before thought of trawling any of those places for men and this clearly is why I remain resolutely single. Now all that can change. Thank you Siri!

I'm not surprised we want out of the EU

No, not because the Commission bogs.

One of the things that struck me forcibly in Brussels, as I sat in the Lord Jenkins room listening to someone drone on about something Lady Ashton was doing, was how completely and utterly ludicrous we are as a nation. I can understand why a country might want to give a 'prominent' or 'successful' person an honour, but why these idiotic, archaic titles? And why would anyone, even if they accept one, use it? It doesn't make them sound better than anyone else, it makes them sound like a twat.

I can only assume that the rest of the 27 spend much of their time sniggering at us, not just because of Cameron's hot air and posturing but because of the Lord Jenkins room. And so on.

It's clear that the only solution is to leave. Given that comparisons are odious, once we're out, we need no longer disguise the chips on our shoulders with ceremonial chains. Safe in the knowledge that we really are better* than Johnny Foreigner, we can maybe grow up and get over this idiocy. That or wallow in it in splendid isolation.

*I am convinced that much of the hatred of Europe comes from the knowledge, stamped down and forcefully denied, that they and everything about their countries, are better than us. All of them. Even the Belgians.

Business travel and shame

Don't get me wrong - I think good food is worth spending money on. I occasionally have the extreme good fortune to go to Michelin starred restaurants (although only at lunchtimes for the set price menu) and I generally think it's worth every penny.

However Thursday night I did something that makes me feel all dirty inside and not in a good way.

I spent £17 at Haagen Dazs.

What did I get for this, you might ask. Did I eat my body weight in dulce de leche icecream? Did I add every topping known to man?

No. I had 2 scoops on a waffle and a cup of tea. No toppings. And the waffle was stale.

£17. I should have walked out or refused to pay or something*.

In mitigation I was in Brussels and Brussels is very expensive and I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. But seriously. People often complain about the attitude of Parisians to tourists but Paris has nothing on Brussels in my opinion. I like the architecture but otherwise the place stinks in my view.

Take my first visit to a restaurant in Brussels many years ago. I ordered a fancy duck dish. I come from a background of boarding school food and a mother who hated cooking and I'd not had duck before except shredded in chinese pancakes but even I knew that what I was served with was a lamb chop. I complained but to no avail. It was duck, insisted the restaurant proprietor, and for duck I was charged (a lot), even though it was without a shadow of a doubt a lamb chop.

I stayed in a rather ropy hotel this time (nice hotels in Brussels are completely unaffordable) and on leaving, I told the hotel receptionist (in English) that the rail in the bath was hanging off the wall and could cause an accident. It was dangerous, he agreed, and made the following call (in French):
Receptionist: Can you take a look in room 607, the rail in the bath needs fixing.
Other person: [I couldn't hear but I suspected it was something on the lines of 'so?']
R: Because I want the lady to think we care
OP: [couldn't hear]
R: yeah, well, whenever.

Furthermore, the bathrooms in the European Commission building smell appalling. And the conference I was at served a standup buffet lunch on side plates and provided no biscuits with coffee so I was starving for most of the event.

When I got home the cat had pissed all over the carpet.


*Still better value than £10m on a funeral no-one wanted.