Friday, 3 May 2013

A brief history of the next few years

March 2014 - After another year of spurious Coalition inflicted austerity, polls in Scotland show pro-independence opinion moving towards 50%. Alarmed, the Tory party launches an all out dirty tricks campaign to save the Union. Labour tacitly supports this.
October 2014 - The no vote gets 50.1% of the vote. Faced with no further chance of independence for another generation, the SNP considers its options.
2015 - Funded by Sean Connery and Tom Farmer, the SNP fields candidates in every English constituency on a platform of free university education for all undergraduates, free prescriptions, free eye tests and free care for the elderly (all things the Scots already enjoy). To everyone's surprise, they win a huge overall majority at Westminster, with the Tories forming the opposition. The only remaining Labour MPs are in Welsh and Scottish constituencies. Alex Salmond becomes Prime Minister.
2016 - A referendum in England on Scottish independence is scheduled for 2017.
2017 - Despite predictions of an overwhelming vote for independence, following a Tory volte face and a resulting campaign to 'kick the whining bastards out', Salmond is horrified when the English vote to retain the Union. Opinion polls show that he is the most popular Prime Minister since Churchill.
2018 - His majority at Westminster means that he has no problem forcing through a repeal of the Acts of Union of the Parliaments and of the Crowns, followed by a vote to fold England into Scotland. Unionist pressure at Stormont also leads to Northern Ireland voting to become part of Scotland. The UK now consists of the Independent Socialist Republic of Scotland and the Principality of Wales.
2019 - Prince Charles stops being the Prince of Wales and becomes King of Wales. A small movement in favour of restoring a Stuart monarch to the Scottish throne fails and Alex Salmond becomes President for life.


  1. You've missed out the terrorist outrages carried out in the name of English independence. Nigel Farage's voice has to be dubbed by an actor.

  2. Well no - the point is that faced with the actual reality of being Scottish, English patriotism disappears in a puff of sulphur.

  3. You haven't mentioned how the freebies are funded? Bear in mind that closing tax loopholes will mean the rich voting with their feet and buggering off to a less tax-heavy country.