Friday, 24 July 2015

I'm just nipping to the loo

It's quite depressing listening to myself at times, thanks to some verbal tics I overuse. Everything is either 'super' or 'fabulous', which is annoying enough but I've recently noticed that when in need of the facilities, I invariably 'nip' to the loo. I don't 'pop', nor do I 'go'. I 'nip'.

There is something frightfully, curtain twitchingly apologetic and and coy about this. I do not like it (plus 'nipping' implies a degree of speed that, as I get older, is not quite accurate). It needs to be replaced and I feel that a degree of alliteration may help.

If I were male I could point percy at the porcelain but I'm not.

So henceforth I may:

  • lurch towards the lavatory
  • totter to the toilet
  • feck off to the facilities
  • creep off to the cludgies
  • make a kamikaze strike on the khazi
  • bugger off to the bog
  • reel off to the restroom
  • slouch towards the sanitaryware
  • shuffle to the shitter
  • crawl to the conveniences
  • wander off to the WC
  • piss off to the pissoir
  • clear off to the comfort station
  • pootle to the potty

and so on. Any further suggestions?

Update: when travelling one can of course head to the heads.

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